be still. listen. rejoice.

I told myself to not think about home so much.. the very minute I landed here
I told myself that I chose to come on my own. I chose to live across country from my family & friends.
I did everything on my own.
If I miss anyone. or anything. it would be my fault and no one else's.
So, don't complain. don't regret. don't miss home.
In order to do that, I had to keep myself busy.
Luckily, work helped a lot. I had tons of prepping to do at home the first few months I was here. considering the fact that I've never written or even seen a lesson plan before coming here.
Even now. I have work to do sometimes.
When I don't have work, I watch korean dramas. taiwanese dramas. grey's anatomy. thai lakorn.
When I'm not watching them, I'm in Seoul with my friends. usually eating.

I've kept myself pretty busy. leaving little time for me to miss home.

Sadly, it has become a bad habit of mine. to always find something to do.
I want to just sit. think. listen.
I want to find that peace I found last Summer at SALT in Nebraska. on a bench. by the lake.
I want to be still and hear God speak.
Francis Chan spoke about it. For us to be still. do nothing. just rejoice in the Lord.
How can something so simple be so hard?
Sometimes I get myself to put my computer away, turn everything off and just lay on the couch.
but while laying there. all I think about it what I need to do. what I can get done during that time.
doing nothing. has become quite difficult.

And now. even if I'm busy. I miss home.
I miss feeling like someone understands me.
I miss sleeping close to my sister during the cold nights.
I miss watching Avelena. I miss giving her kisses.
I miss eating dinner at the dinner table with my parents.
I miss hearing my brothers' lame jokes.
I miss having a family to come home to.
I miss The Packing House worship and Pastor Ed's messages.
I miss homemade pho. especially when my family eats while on skype with me.
I miss knowing that someone would be looking for me if I didn't come home.

Before I left, I promised to not cry in front of my parents.
being this far away from them is probably hard enough on them.
seeing me cry would tear their hearts apart.
My mom asks me often. if I miss them. I always say "a little bit"
but deep inside. I miss them like crazy. and if I were to say it out loud I'd probably cry for hours.

Anyway, I need to get this time of the month done and over with soon.
cuz this emotional roller coaster I'm on is driving me nuts :/