Happy Parents' Day!

In Korea, they celebrate Children's Day on the 5th of May (at least that's what it was this year). It's a national holiday believe it or not so we had the day off also :)  Anyway, on this particular day...kids pretty much get spoiled by their parents.. they have no school and they just get to go out and do whatever they want. In our area here, I saw a lot of kids play in the little water/river thing. The center here was FULL of kids and parents. It was a little overwhelming. But as I'm writing this.. I felt like I should've volunteered at an Orphanage that day.. Less fortunate kids were probably so sad that day. Ok, next year if I'm still here, I'll do it. (note to self)

Before I go any further, I wanted to explain why I deleted my previous post. I was extremely frustrated and when I think back to it..I still am. It was difficult because it's not easy to make them understand that the way they do things is frustrating for the English teachers. My feelings and thoughts don't seem to matter much here, which is fine. It has never really mattered to people so I can handle that, but all the jobs I've had before this..they'd do some sort of training before they throw you in. It's completely different here. What you think may be impossible for them to do.. they will do. And if you do it wrong, it will be your fault and nobody else's.  Yes, I'm still adjusting to that type of 'doing' here. Many things I've already grown accustomed to, but that.... I have to work on still. I do feel a little more at ease since the new girl has arrived though, sad to say. Why? because she gets to go through what I went through... and it's not that I wish that on anyone, but it made me realize that it wasn't me at all... nor was it them. It's just how they do things here. Also, it feels good to know a little more than someone else, I must admit. I'm horrible. Oh yeah, so I decided to delete it because I don't want people to think that I'm having a horrible time here because I'm not. I love it here. I get to travel to so many places. I get to interact with kids. I get to be independent. So, I'm doing well.

Alright, so right after Children's Day comes Parents' Day which falls on Mother's Day in the states. It wasn't a big deal here since our parents are all in the states, but the sermon at church was about parents.. and how we should think of ourselves as children of God.. like children children.. you know, like young children who long to be like their mom or their dad one day... and wants to play with their mom or dad all the time, never wanting them to leave. That's how we should be and feel towards God. SOooo true! At the beginning of service, Pajai and I went up to the little cafe area of the church, sat down, and started talking a bit.  She was telling me about how her sister have so much hair on their arms...so one day she complained to her mom and said that she was sad she was born that way.  Then, her mom said "Kuv twb yug tau koj zoo npaum no es ua li cas koj tseem yuav hais li ko? Twb muaj ob txhais tes, ob txhais taw, ntiv taw ntiv tes los muaj tas es tseem yuav tshaw dab tsi thiab?" Ohh my goodness.. my tears fell the moment I heard those words. All my life, I've always wanted something more. I've always wondered why I was born like this or like that. Why couldn't I have been born better in certain areas. Pajai didn't know what to do. She didn't even know why I was crying. I told her that.. it made me miss my mom...and she asked me if it was because my mom said that to me.. but I told her "no." However, I know very well that.. that's how she feels. As children, we blame our parents for all the faults we have.. from our height.. to our temper. But our mother gave us all that we need to survive in this world and is blinded from the physical flaws we see in ourselves. To her, we are perfect.
Furthermore, that's how God feels toward us. He made us in His image yet we try so hard to change our physical appearance just to fit the world's standards. He made us perfect in His eyes yet we get angry about the small things that don't even matter.
Ever since my last relationship, I've closed my heart off to everyone. I've opened it a little & have even seen some light, but right when I feel like I can or will get hurt..I turn the lights off and close the door again. Stupid thing to say/feel, but I've never felt like I was good enough for anyone. Every time I meet someone.. I always feel like they could do so much better.
So, when I heard Pajai say that.. I felt a tugging at my heart. God was speaking to me... He wanted me to know that I'm perfect in His eyes... no matter what my past may look like, no matter how broken and scarred I am from it all.. I'm still worthy of His love and I'm still good enough for someone out there. AND that I should be happy with all of my physical features :)
Lots of tears shed this past weekend.

It's been a while since I've updated on here. I've come to realize that everyone in the states thinks being in Korea is like the coolest thing ever.. and it is. I felt that way too..that's why I'm here. But living here.. I feel like it's so normal.  I don't really know what to write or make a video about..because to me it seems normal, but to others..it's probably really really cool. Plus, it's hard to make videos without looking like a total tourist.. and I feel weird filming and talking while walking by myself. But I will be going to a Women's retreat with the Jubilee church next weekend so hopefully I'll get some of that on video. AND a lot of the hmong people here are planning to meet up at the end of this month for a total hmong food cookout/potluck thing so I will definitely get that on video for everyone to see.

Long blog.
Peace out.