I've tried so many times to write this entry. Part of the reason for failure is because I'm scatter-minded. I have so many thoughts that I want to write down but when I get to writing it..nothing makes sense. Hopefully, I will be successful this time.
Before moving on, I must warn my first few followers. I made this blog because I was doing a makeup sale through youtube. So some of you might have started following this blog because you want to see/read beauty-related things. However, I can't say that this entire blog will be dedicated to that. I did the blog sale partly because I just have way too much makeup to ever use up, but mostly because I plan on moving to Korea for a year. Yes, an entire year. My sister & sister-in-law will probably never touch my makeup while I'm gone so I didn't want it to just sit in my drawers for a year. I kept all the essentials and sold the rest. After about 2 years, I realized that I don't really need/use as much makeup as I own. Anyhow, I don't know how much shopping I will do in Korea so I can't really say how many beauty-related entries I will make. I'll just have to see when I get there. If I find really interesting things though..I will definitely blog about it. So, the point to this little warning is that you can un-follow my blog if you're not interested in my everyday thoughts or in me living in Korea. I promise I will not hate you for it. But if you are interested, then go ahead and follow me on here :) I will try to make it as entertaining as possible. (with the exception of this one)
Alright. So I don't know if anyone is interested in how I made my decision to go to Korea, but here's the very long story (including my thoughts and feelings) of it all from the very beginning until now.
About a week before I was going to start my Microbiology class during Spring semester at Crafton, I randomly decided to do a bit of research on teaching English abroad. (I heard a little bit about it at SALT 2010 and was interested but never really looked more into it afterwards. Then, found out a few months later that one of my cousins from Fresno was in Korea teaching English). Yes, I love watching korean dramas & I'm sure nobody's surprised by it. The first drama that started my love for kdramas was Winter Sonata. I wasn't too fond of the Autumn Tale (I think that's what it's called.. you know the one with NkaujSee & TsimMeej haha) but Winter Sonata made me want to go visit Korea soooo bad. Anyway, the more and more I watched them the more interested I was in learning about their culture. I find it amazing how much respect Koreans have for others especially anyone older than them. I mean, they have a totally different way of talking to someone older than them. That's pretty crazy when you compare it to the American culture. It's hard to talk about one thing without people thinking that I'm badmouthing the other. So I'd like you to know that I do love America. I am an American. I love the freedom we have. But I think we are all very spoiled here and kids are not raised to respect others anymore. That may just be me generalizing but that's how I feel. Feel free to agree or disagree.
Ok so back to my story. One night, instead of sleeping, I decided to surf the internet and find out the requirements for teaching abroad. I kept thinking to myself that it's not a big deal..I'll just look at a few things, go to bed, and get ready for school the following week. After reading for a bit, I found out that all you need to go teach in another country is a Bachelors degree in anything. ANYTHING. I didn't need any kind of teaching degree, just a Bachelors from an accredited college/university. I found myself filling out an application form online (I can't even remember what site now) before heading to bed. At that time, though, I was filling it out for fun... one question asked how serious I was about the whole thing (from 1-10)..and I remember putting 7 or 8 with the explanation: I'd love to go teach in Korea, but I have a few things holding me back at the moment. It's kind of dumb to have filled one out with that kind of thinking but that's what got me started on the whole thing I guess. I didn't think much of it afterwards & didn't get any emails from the site that I filled out the application at (which did not surprise me considering my lack of seriousness)..so I got ready for school, bought school supplies and decided to just do what made more sense which was continue with school. I did ask my cousin through facebook to see how it is there and told her I was kind of interested. So she recommended the agency that she went through.. to me. I didn't even know what agencies were for and which one was legit..so I was glad that I knew someone who had already gone through the whole ordeal and was living in a safe place. After getting a little more information from her, I started to really think about going, but was still fighting it because I have bills to pay.. credit cards, car payment, car insurance, cell phone. So I talked about a bit with my sister and she said she'd take over my car payments since she would be using my car if I were to leave. That helped a lot with my decision making. Oh I forgot. One of the biggest reasons why I thought it'd be impossible to go is my parents. They are strict and can be very old-fashioned at times. So having their daughter (NOT son BUT daughter) going overseas to teach for an entire year.. I knew they'd never agree to it (c'mon I had to practically beg them to let me go to my Senior Prom & had a chaperone every single time I wanted to go see a movie or have dinner with my boyfriend). I prayed about it though. I prayed a lot about it. I wanted to make the right decision. I knew I wanted to go, but I wanted it to be God's will also, not just mine. So I prayed that if it was His will, doors would open.. and I'd have some peace about going. During this entire time, my heart was not still at all. I was constantly stressing about it because if I decided to go I'd need to drop my class, but I didn't want to drop it and then later decide to stay. It was a very difficult time in my life. I mean, I could've easily made the decision to just stay or go, but it was a little harder because I wanted God to take control...and you all might know that in order to hear Him you gotta pay attention to the small things happening around you. First door open: my sister agreed to take over my car payment. Second door: I casually told my mom I wanted to go teach in Korea and she said "Pray about it and if God thinks it'll be ok..then you can go." SERIOUSLY? This entire life..living with my mother, I've never heard her say anything like that to me. I was expecting a "No. Never. You are crazy for even asking" answer. Instead, she told me to pray about it. I couldn't believe it. I was so excited. So a few doors opened but I was still uncertain about my class. I emailed the agency guy and asked him when I'd be able to go because my class wasn't going to end until the middle-end of May and I wanted to drop it before I couldn't anymore (IF I was to really go). He answered back saying that if I got all my documents ready, they wanted to start employment sometime in March. I was quite surprised. That gave me only a few months. I did hear that the background check would take a lot of time so that's the only thing that I'd really be waiting on. BUT even after reading that email, I still wasn't 100% sure about going so I decided to still attend the first lab. While sitting there, I just kept thinking about how I didn't want to be there. It was nice to be at school, but my heart just was not there. My heart was torn, seriously. I could not make up my mind and be satisfied with my decision. I kept feeling like if I chose to do one thing, then my heart would want to be doing the other. I didn't know what to do. But after many many crazy hours of praying and putting things into perspective, I decided to drop my class that night. So, I didn't even get to attend lecture. To calm my crazy heart, I told myself that I could just take the class next semester if all else fails.
Finally, after dropping my class, all I was left to do was try to get my documents together to go teach in Korea. First, I needed to get my fingerprints sent in to get my background check. Yes, sounds easy, but it was a painful experience for me. In effective beginning of this year, background checks needed to be done through the FBI instead of the Dept Of Justice. The difference is that DOJ does a state-wide check and FBI does nation-wide. Well, I didn't know that little bit of information until it was a little too late. The first time I went to our local police station, nobody was there. Turns out..they're only open on Tues or Thurs? Seriously? That's weird. However, I saw a number on the door so I called them and asked what kind of form I would need to bring in to get my fingerprints done. Lady told me that I needed a "Request for Livescan" form. I'm like.. and could you please tell me HOW to get that? So, she said go on DOJ website..print it out.. blah blah blah. I told them it was for personal use, but homegirl still said I needed a request form. So, I decided I would just try to go back on a day that they're open and ask someone directly. And I did. I got to the window, asked the young lady and she tells me the same exact thing. I'm thinking... OK where the heck would I get this request form? because from what I know..people usually request their background checks for employment purposes and so they get that request form from the employer. However, mine was going to be for teaching overseas (and the agency guy told me to request it for personal use)..so there was no way for me to get a form from my employer (obviously because I didn't really have one). I left the police station pretty disappointed. I was confused, frustrated, angry, everything. I hated that nobody was able to give me any help. Everyone just kept telling me I needed the form but when tell them I don't have one because it's for personal use... they don't listen and just keep telling me the same thing. So, there I was. Mad and very very frustrated. Every chance I got..I did research online to find out how to get that form. I prayed, prayed, & prayed. Then, I finally came across this "Livescan Request" and at the bottom it said "personal request" or something like that. BUT the address that it was going to be sent to read Dept of Justice. There was no way to change it because the form came like that. So, I decided to just give it a try. Went to the UPS in Yucaipa (because that seemed like the closest place that did any fingerprinting), told the lady that I needed it to go to FBI instead of DOJ, but she said it would only go to DOJ since that's what the form said. I figured that since I've lived in only California..it would be ok. I'd take a chance at it. I paid $45 to get fingerprints scanned and sent in to DOJ. Later that day, I got an email from agency guy telling me what I feared the most: DOJ background check would not be accepted. So, I quickly called the lady at UPS office to see what I could do, see if there was any way I could have it sent to FBI also since I already paid all the fees, BUT NO. It had already been sent to the DOJ and there's nothing I could do about it. Can you imagine how much more frustrated I became after that? I mean, not only did I not know what to do, but I also wasted $45 on something that was useless. So then.. I was back to where I first started. I had nothing and nowhere to go. I called so many places to ask how to obtain fingerprints for the FBI and nobody could tell me anything. nobody. nothing. So, I started to think..maybe it wasn't meant for me to go. Maybe I needed to stay. I mean, I can't say that I didn't try because I tried so hard, did everything I possibly could. I continued on with my days. As usual, I got up every day and went to my full time retail job of 5 years that I keep telling myself I need to get out of. I had to now accept the fact that I wouldn't be able to go. I thought all the other stuff before was hard.. I didn't even know. My heart was broken, for reals. Even though I was hesitant about going, I still dreamed about the place I'd live in and things I'd do. Before, I had a choice (to stay or to go) so it was cool. It was up to me. But now I had no choice. I couldn't do anything but stay. and that tore my heart apart. Regardless, I was restless. I looked up every possible word and phrase I could to try and figure out how to get those fingerprints. I even asked on fb to see if anyone could help me.. (most people just thought I was crazy). I couldn't understand how they would require me to get something that seemed impossible to get. I mean, others have gotten it so I didn't get how I wasn't able to get it myself. That also made me feel like.. "ok if that is so, then God probably thinks it's better for me to stay." So, then.. I still did some searching online but I started to give up a little (to be honest). Though just a little, I kept searching because I just couldn't get myself to fully give up. I refused to believe that it would be impossible for me to do something that I'm sure thousands others have gotten done before.
Oh I forgot to mention.. before going to the UPS in Yucaipa, I found a Livescan place in Moreno Valley so on my way to San Diego for Hlee's bachelorette weekend, I stopped by to see if I could get fingerprinted....... only to find out that the place had gone out of business a long time ago but still shows up on the internet so people still go and look for it (according to some guy that worked in a different office around that plaza).
After about a week later, I came upon a site that said a place in Westminster mall does ink fingerprinting. INK FINGERPRINTING was what I had been looking for all along!! So, I quickly gave them a call to see I'd need to bring in to get it done. The guy simply asked what it was for and I told him for personal use. So he said all I needed was an ID. that's all. After all this chaos.......... are you kidding me? I was shocked now because it seemed too good to be true. But I had to wait for a day that I'd be off of work to go because Westminster is a good hour to hour & a half drive from my house. Then... I figured if they're able to do it..I must be able to get it done somewhere closer to home......... so back to searching online once again. This time..I put in ink fingerprinting. The closest place I found was in Riverside and that was fine with me. Riverside is about a 30-40 min drive from where I live and I'm familiar with the area since I went to college there sooooo I called the guy and he confirmed that all I needed was an ID. *sighhhhh* I could not believe after all the trouble I went through... it all came down to something so so simple. The next day, I got up early.. went and got it done.. came back home and sent it all in to the FBI...and even did a full 8 hour shift at work that day. That was one of my more productive days.
Lesson learned: Now I'm at peace. my heart is at peace. Why? because remember that Friends episode where Rachel was afraid she might be pregnant so after taking the pregnancy test, Phoebe told her that she wasn't.... and she was sad because even though she was scared about being pregnant..she was even more sad that she wasn't pregnant. It's funny because this very Friends episode came to my mind during this whole ordeal..and when I talked to Jer (one of my close friends) about it..the same thing came to her mind. Anyway, my heart was torn in two. and I didn't want that. I wanted to have peace about leaving OR about staying. and I prayed for that for a long while. I wanted to go but I also wanted to stay. My heart just could not make up its mind. Yes, my heart seems to have a mind too. But after thinking & feeling like it was impossible to go.. I knew exactly what God wanted for me. He had to put me through it all to help me realize how I'd really feel if I wasn't able to go. I truly believe so. If not, I'd probably still be going back & forth on the whole thing right now..I'm pretty sure.
Now, I'm at peace. Have you ever felt the Lord's peace come over you? It's amazingggggggg! It's an overwhelming experience. You'd have to go through it to understand how it feels. No words could ever describe it.
It's been about 4 weeks since I've sent my fingerprints in. From what I understand it could take up to 3 months to get results, but I have read that people get their's back in about 8 weeks or so. Now, I'm just waiting for it.. and getting some other paperwork ready for when it comes.
I'm excited! You probably wouldn't be able to tell if you heard me talk about it..because I don't think I show those kind of emotions well. But I am very excited to see what God has in store for me there... and see how He's going to use me. I'm excited to try new things. I'm very open to learning about the culture there and experience loads crazy things.
Even with the peace, it's still hard sometimes... especially with my parents and their problems. It's hard to explain and would probably take up another whole day to write it all out, so I'll go with the short version. I know my mom gets sad easily and sometimes it seems as though everyone is too busy to notice. She works hard.. at work and at home. She doesn't get a lot of rest especially with my little niece running around. Even when she's tired..she works. (that's how most moms are anyway right?) But I don't want to add another worry to her list. I wish she could see that she can be happy just being herself..and not having to have a perfect life or perfect husband to be happy. It'll be hard once I leave. I'll just have to constantly remind her that I'm ok. I hope that my siblings will be more patient with her. Yes, she can be crazy. We all are. But be patient with her and understand that she's hurting deep inside. Remember when your girlfriend or boyfriend broke your heart? Remember how much it hurt? Well, it's probably 10x worse for her. So, please be nice even when she's crazy.
Anyhow, it has taken me literally a whole day to write this entry and so I better log off and get something done before the day ends.
Oh I wanted to write a little bit about my current job but I'll save that for the next entry if I remember.
